


Life as a Phantomhive servant

by ReSunGod



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bad English, F/M, Romance, Shinigami, over dramatic, references everywhere, the foxhole court references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-11 18:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10471584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReSunGod/pseuds/ReSunGod
Summary: You're one of the servants at Phantomhive manor. You're friends with the other servants and your relationship with your master Ciel is pretty good. The story begins when the young lord's fiancée pays you a visit...You'll also get to know about the past in small portions





	1. Lady Elizabeth's visit

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first Kuroshitsuji fanfic. I hope you'll like it. This story is really important to me so I try to be really accurate. Enjoy :)

Everything was ready. It took most of the morning to clean the house and prepare everything for lady Elizabeth's arrival. You looked at Mey Rin and you both sighed with relief that you finished your job, and did it properly. This time. Yes, this time you didn't break anything. Mey Rin was probably thinking the same, because when you looked at each other again, you both burst out laughing, so hard you couldn't stop. 

/Last time you were about to polish a unique and beautiful statue, when suddenly out of nowhere Mey Rin bumped into you, you fell, still holding the statue, that broke into million beautiful pieces. You both panicked , then tried to glue it back to the way it was in the hope that Ciel  
wouldn't realise. Well, when you finished, it was so ugly, it looked more like a pig with two heads and three legs, than a beautiful young lady. Fortunately, Ciel wasn't angry, rather amused/ 

Your relax time didn't last long, as Sebastian showed up with a disapproving look.

"Please stand up and greet the young lady in an appropriate way"

"You're no fun"- you said- "sometimes even we need a little break. Anyway don't worry, we're more than ready to welcome the young lady."- you said, then smiled at him. 

He just shook his head and continued...whatever he started before the conversation. 

Suddenly the door opened, and Lady Elizabeth stepped in. When she discovered her fiancé she ran to him and

"Cieeeel you're so cute. You're getting cuter every time I see you" was what she said.

Ciel hugged her dutifully but also carefully, his usually strict eyes softened a bit.

"Hey Lizzy, I haven't seen you for a long time"

"I knooow and that's why I'm staying for two weeks" she said with a bright smile.

And after a few minutes, you all realised what that meant.


	2. Cooking time

You heard an explosion, probably from the kitchen. You ran there to check what's going on. 

"Hey everything alright?"- you asked as you noticed Bard coming out of the smoke

"Yeah, and dinner is ready" he said smiling then glanced at the frying pan he was holding. There was nothing in it but ashes. 

"Well, it might have burnt a bit, but I'm sure it's delicious" he tried to save himself.

"No way anybody's going to eat that thing" you said disgusted.

"You think you can do better?" he asked with a challenging tone.

"Bard, even my cat could do better"you said, smiling.

"Rude" he said

"Oh my you exploded the kitchen again?"- asked Sebastian with a tired look as he looked at the remains of the kitchen.

"The young master and Lady Elizabeth need something to eat. So I guess I have to cook them something again. Please try not to explode anything while I'm away."

"Understood"- said Bard respectfully

"Hey Sebastian, mind if I join you?"- you asked him

"Okay but please do only as I say and no more. You've worked too much already."

"Hey, since  when did you become so thoughtful?" you asked mocking him

You liked to have fun and make fun of as many things as possible. It helped you think only about the present. It helped you forget...

*time skip cause why not*

You did everything as Sebastian said, but sometimes you tried to add some extra sugar or spice to the food to see if he realises. Somehow, he always knew, even when he was paying attention to something completely different.

"But, how can you know about everything???" you asked still unable to believe that he always found out about your mischief

"Because" he said stepping closer to you , whispering in your ear, and for a moment, you froze "I'm a demon"

You stood there confused for about ten seconds, then burst out laughing. "Yo...you're funnier than I thought' you said wiping the tears away from your eyes.

But he looked serious and you stopped for a moment to think.


	3. The past's shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for writing so short chapterd but this way I kind of have more time to think about the story :)

You couldn't sleep that night. There was something disturbing about what Sebastian said. You felt that you should believe him but him being a demon was   too unreal ...

Not that you could sleep at all since that day. Every time you closed your eyes you saw the blood, you felt the pain, the devastation when you lost it all. Even when you could sleep a little bit it was only nightmares. The past found a way to come back and haunt you not letting you forget...

You couldn't bare it anymore so you got up and went to the garden. It was about 2 a.m. You needed some fresh air and something positive like the smell of the flowers

You were walking silently when you saw a small kitten, and you smiled and stroked it. Somehow cats always made you feel a bit happier

"Khm" you heard a voice behind your back and you almost had a heart attack

"I see you met this little one. She's usually not this friendly with strangers"-said Sebastian

"Se-Sebastian, you should be sleeping!" you said not knowing how to react

"Well, you too" he said with a smirk

"Anyway, if Ciel finds out about this, he'll kill you. You know he's allergic to cats"

"Don't worry, he won't" he said "unless you tell him" he winked at you, knowing that you never would

He stroked the kitten behind her ear. She was obviously enjoying it and for a moment you felt...jealous? No way... that's stupid. You would never be jealous of a cat

"Aren't they beautiful creatures? " he asked looking at the kitten lovingly

"They definitely are" you said, smiling. It was good to see him happy.  
You owed him so much...you tried to do everything as good as possible to try to pay your debt, but you knew it was impossible

"You should go back and get some sleep, Lady Elizabeth has serious plans for today" he said , but when he looked at your sad face he looked concerned

"May I escort you back to your room, _____?" he asked 

"Thank you, I think I really need this right now" you said giving him a weak smile

*time skip*

In your room he gave you an uncertain look whether he should leave or not.  
Then suddenly you felt tears rolling down you cheeks

"Go away...please" you asked him

"But...please don't worry it's going to be alright" then he hugged you to calm you down. He knew about your past. He was the one that gave you a chance for redemption, but still...

"I said GO AWAY" you yelled "You can't change the past, right? So nothing's going to be okay"

He slowly let go of you. You saw that your words really hurt him, but he finally left

You just needed to be alone. You didn't want to hurt him but you hated when others saw you cry. It reminded you of your loss and how weak and helpless you are.

Suddenly you were so angry at everything and everyone. Why is life so unfair?


	4. In the morning

In the morning you decided to go to the garden to water the plants /but rather to avoid meeting the others/ . You needed some time to think. You still felt ashamed of last night. You shouldn't have cried...and Sebastian...he was always there to comfort you. How did you not realise this? He always tried to make things easier for you. He made you feel like you ... matter.

Anyway you weren't alone for a long time, because you spotted Finny coming in your direction. 

"____ aren't you hungry? You should eat, today's going to be a long day" he said, probably referring to Lady Elizabeth's plans. 

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry" you said

"Okayy" he said, not completely convinced by your words "I'll help you. It's my job anyway." he said with that cute innocent smile of his

This was the other thing that gave you hope. You haven't had any friends before. Here at the manor there very many of them. Sometimes it still felt so unbelievable that these people really care about you. You were a bit afraid. You didn't want to lose them. But being emotianally attached to others was dangerous. You knew this, maybe better than anyone. If you get to know someone and start to care about them, losing them in the end makes you regret it all, it makes you suffer and you wish you didn't start to care at all.  
The moment you start to care you are lost.  
And now, it was too late for you.

*time skip before it gets too angsty*

After watering the plants you just sat on the grass with Finny, your eyes closed, enjoying the sunshine. The heat of the sun helped you calm your thoughts and relax.

You only opened your eyes when Finny turned to you with a bright smile  
"Hey _____ I made this for you" he said giving you a flower crown made of daisies " you seemed so sad, so I hoped this might cheer you up" he said with a shy smile

"Oh Finny this is beautiful. You're the best" you said hugging him thankfully. 

Lady Elizabeth chose this moment to appear /author note: this sounds so funny lol. Sorry/ and when she noticed you and your flower crown the first 'challenge' for the day was decided

"Soooo cuute" she said rushing to you and admiring the tiny daisies in your hair

"May I make one for you?" you offered, smiling, kind of expecting what she's going to say next.

"Yes please. You know what? Everybody should wear one. We will all be so cute" she said. You couldn't not realise that 'cute' took place in every second sentence she said

After 15 minutes everybody was outside wearing flower crowns. Even Ciel. He couldn't say no because Lady Elizabeth made one for him herself. You taught her how to /hihi anyway he looked cute/. Sebastian's was black, and you decided that he didn't look less attractive even with flowers in his hair.  
Anyway you tried to avoid looking at him because you were sure he was angry or disappointed about last night.  
Finny didn't mind the flower crown in his hair, Mey Rin felt a bit nervous but you assured her that she looks beautiful, but Bard was really grumpy that Lady Elizabeth insisted he has to wear a pink one because it "matches his eye and hair color" .Indeed. He looked like a princess. And when you told him he started to chase you until you both gave up, too exhausted to continue /after about 10 laps around the manor/ you just lay on the ground not able to move

"This...won't...stay...unavenged" he said breathing heavily

"I...know" you said, smiling

And it was only 10 a.m.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mood swings


	5. A little riding never killed nobody

The afternoon was no less challenging than the morning. The young lady had another 'awesome' plan. 

"Ciel, I want to ride a unicorn" she said,  enthusiastically.

"Elizabeth, unicorns don't exist. Only in fairy tales" said Ciel with a tired expression.

"I told you to call me Lizzy! And that's not true! I'v seen one! And now I want to ride one" she said stubbornly.

"Excuse me" said Sebastian, interrupting the serious conversation "but maybe, there's something we can do in this case..."and he whispered something in the young master's ears

*time skip*

There were two unicorns standing before the manor. (Ready for the worst day of their life) you thought as you watched Lady Elizabeth putting rainbow colored ribbons in their manes.

Actually they were only 'basic' horses, but Sebastian managed to put fake unicorn horns on them and actually he did it so perfectly that if you didn't know unicorns are not real, you would have believed these are.  You wondered where he got the horns from.

"_____ I want you to ride with me" the young lady ordered. 

"Are you sure my lady? Maybe you should go with your fiancé and he could show you around the forest or..."  
You stopped as you noticed Ciel's killer gaze

"Shut up, or I'll kill you" he whispered so only you could hear

"I want to go with youuu" insisted Lady Elizabeth

"Fine, but Sebastian should go with you, so he can watch out for you" said Ciel

"Yes, my lord." said Sebastian, while bowing

"Okay but let's go already" said the young Lady impatiently

"Take care and come back soon" waved Ciel but when he looked at you his eyed said 'stay as long as you can I really need some peace and quiet' 

You started the journey to the nearby forest with Sebastian walking between you. 

You really hoped that you won't meet anyone because people might think that you're riding a Christmas tree. But actually you kind of were, you thought looking at the over decorated horse under you

Then you heard a voice and you suddenly felt really uneasy. Something bad was about to happen...

It all happened so fast. A snake slithered into view. It was on your side so the others couldn't see it. You were screaming and your horse was prancing... At first you tried to hold on but you let go. Maybe it will be the best this way, you thought as you were falling off the horse. 

You were ready for the darkness and the pain to welcome you again and this time you were ready to stay there forever. In the darkness, where you belong...

But the pain didn't come. When you opened your eyes you were staring into red ones that were too perfect to be a simple human's. Maybe he really is a demon after all...you thought as you passed out still in Sebastian's arms

*time skip*

When you woke up you were in your bed, the young lady and Sebastian standing there with concerned looks

"____ thank God you're all right" said Lady Elizabeth, her voice trembling " I...I am so sorry. This is all my fault.I should have let you stay...if Sebastian wasn't there..." by this time she was crying

"It's all right. I'm fine." You said and you meant it. "Actually I've never ridden a unicorn before, so it's okay. And it's not your fault" you sent her an encouraging smile

"T-thank you...but...okay. I think I'll tell Ciel that we're back before I can spoil one more thing" with that she rushed out of the room

Sebastian stood silent until now "you should stop trying to get yourself killed. Maybe the next time I won't be there and then..." He looked at you with dissapointment

"I know. You saved me. Thank you. But..."

"Thank me by staying alive" he said

"Maybe it would be the best for everyone if I didn't exist. There would be no more trouble, I would finally let go of the past...and No one would miss me."

He looked deeply in your eyes and said  
"I would. And I would miss the trouble you cause. You might be not aware of the fact but you've made my and the other servant's lives happier. Even the young master's. I won't let you take that away from me. Or them. You deserve a happy life and I deserve to be there when you get it" 

He moved closer , smiling at you, and you finally understood. You belong here. You actually do. Maybe you just needed someone to tell you.And you'll get your happy ending no matter what it takes.

As you were still thinking about what just happened Sebastian bent down and kissed you on your cheek then he whispered in your ear "you are important to me. Don't ever forget that"

And he left, leaving you there still blushing


	6. Your place is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that as the title refers to it, this story is not just about you and Sebas-chan but also your relationship with the others. So there might be some chapters where Sebby or Ciel won't have a role, I'll see. 
> 
> You don't have to wait long, big things are about to happen soon;)
> 
> Also, sorry for my pathetic grammar

Lady Elizabeth left the next day. You all knew the reason but actually you regretted her leaving a bit. She had some strange ideas but she was nice. She also left a beautiful dress on your bed as an apology. It was just too perfect. You decided that you'll wear that for dinner

You also felt a little better. Sebastian's words gave you strength and you tried to change your attitude towards life. It was not easy, but for him and your friends you had to try

You didn't know until yesterday that you had feelings for him. Of course you found him incredibly attractive but you wouldn't think there was...more. You knew that most of the ladies that occasionally visited the manor couldn't take their eyes off of him. He just had a supernatural charm or something. But fromm the look on their faces you knew they would give anything to spend a day /but rather a night/ with him. You didn't want to be like this. 'Easy to get, easy to forget' you thought of them like this

You've always been good friends with Mey Rin, maybe because your pasts were not so different, or at least as it turned out you had the same kind of jobs...

However when you told her about Sebastian's kiss on your cheek /you had to tell someone!!!/ she wasn't impressed

"Oh he did that.Wow.Eh well, good for you"she said

Then you realised. She always acted so anxious when Sebastian was around, always blushing. Ohh shit. She had a crush on him. Now maybe she thought you just wanted to brag about it

"Please sorry. I didn't know you felt that way" you said regretting your decision

"I don't" she said, blushing "I just...always hoped I-I have a chance..." she said in pain

"Come on, you totally do. You're beautiful. And I know he doesn't like to show how he feels /or that he has feelings at all/ but I'm sure he likes you" you said, smiling at her

"Thank you___, you're such a good friend. I don't deserve you."she said, crying. "I was angry when you told me what happened but actually I want you to be happy. And Mr.Sebastian, too. So, if you want to be with him, I don't mind" she said honestly.

You couldn't say anything, just hugged her with all your heart." I want to be this strong someday." you whispered." But I want you to know that if he chooses you, I will be glad for you too" you said. And you smiled at each other relieved.

"Sorry to interrupt your big moment but we have some work to attend to" said Bard, with Finny and a tea drinking Tanaka beside him. When you looked at him he 'ho ho ho'ed approvingly

"Mm how long how you been eavesdropping?"you asked with an accusing tone

"Long enough" he said with an evil grin "I'm gonna tell him that you love him"

"Jesus how old are you, six?"you couldn't belive this "but more inportantly, I...don't. We just had a...moment"

"You know who you will convince with that" Bard said, still mocking you "I bet you even did...the thing" he said wiggling his eyebrows until one of you your high heeled shoes hit him on the head

"Ouch. That hurt!"

"You deserved it" you said and Mey Rin and Finny just laughed. You were glad Mey Rin was okay with this, you didn't want your friendship destroyed.

But as you looked at them, your friends, no, your family one by one, you felt that you belong here and you didn't want to change this for anything in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more thing. Usually I have an idea and I build the whole chapter around it. So sometimes there's no place for more ideas lol and this way the chapters are short but I thinks it's better and there can be more chapters :) this makes no sense but who cares?


	7. Playing hard to get. I love a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the Malec /shadowhunters/ reference. :D (title)

Sebastian wanted you. Right now , he wanted you more than his master's soul and that was the most precious thing to him

Ciel's soul and yours were not so different. They were ugly and rotten and black but a part of it preserved the light, the kindness the hope of a better future and that made your souls smell so sweet. It draw him crazy when he was near you. He had to remind himself that he had already made a contract that couldn't be broken until the very end. 

This was not all. He desired your soul, more than anything before, however much to his surprise it was not only your soul that he wanted. There was something about you. Something new he never experienced before. He wanted to find out what that was...could it be a feeling?   
Demons shouldn't have feelings. It's only for humans to make their pathetic and short lives exciting.  
So probably it's only his hunger that makes him believe these crazy things.

All the other women acted so anxious around him. Their lust was written on their faces. Some of them even offered him well...themselves. He wasn't interested. It was boring. They were boring. Well, everyone but you. It was really annoying. The only woman that he would be interested in just doesn't care. What a shame. 

But he had plans to change this...

*

You put on your beautiful new dress that Lady Elizabeth gave you before she left. It just fitted you perfectly.  
Maybe she remembered when you tried on a tremendous amount of clothes together last time she visited. It was one of those clothes, the one that caught your eyes immediately. The young lady noticed this then smiled at you

"You should try it on_____, I'm sure you'll look beautiful in it."

When it was on you, you felt astonished when you looked in the mirror. You felt beautiful, although you rarely did. You looked completely different.

"____ this is perfect. You should keep this" Lady Elizabeth was smiling "You should wear it for lunch. I'm sure Sebastian will like it" she winked at you.

"Wha-what are you talking about?" you asked totally confused.

"Nothing" she said innocently.

You didn't understand. Why would he care what you're wearing? Anyway in the end you said you cannot accept the dress because it's too expensive. You couldn't let yourself accept such expensive things. You were just a servant, nothing more.

And now, the young lady found a way to give it to you. She's more cunning than she looks. She really is a perfect match for Ciel.

You opened the door to the dining hall with these thoughts. 

All your favourite dishes were on the table. You looked at Sebastian who was smiling at you with his eyes closed then you looked back at the food.   
What's going on here?

You looked at Sebastian again who was still smiling innocently. Okayy, something is definitely going on. He doesn't just smile at you and cooks your favourites.

"Hey are you all right Sebastian? You act so...strange"

This must have surprised him, because he looked at you as if he was expecting something completely different

"I'm fine, thank you. Now please, enjoy your meal, before it goes cold" he said while a wary smile appeared on his face.

This was only the beggining


	8. Heaven

You still didn't understand the situation after dinner. After you finished Sebastian went to you and gave you a beautiful red rose. Ciel looked at him like he was crazy and by the way...so did you

You accepted the rose and smiled at him, and he smiled back at you. It wasn't your birthday so there was one more option left...  
This was soo not like him. You just had to smile at the thought he did these things for you. To raise your attention

You ate so much /you had to try out everything, you couldn't resist, and despite that you had a stomach ache, it was definitely worth it/

"______ may I escort you back to your room? You look a little pale" Sebastian offered

"Well, thank you" you said. You had to find out what comes next

He really was trying to seduce you. That's cute. Well, let him try. You still didn't completely understand how you felt about him, so maybe it will turn out soon.

You were walking towards your room while you had a small talk when Sebastian suddenly tensed and the next moment you found yourself pinned to the wall, one of his hands over your mouth. You were too shocked to react and for a few seconds you had a strange feeling that you were being watched. After that feeling vanished, Sebastian relaxed and lowered his hand

You slapped him right away  
"Sebastian what the hell?" you didn't want to slap him, but you did it before you could change your mind

"_____ sorry, I thought something was outside but probably I was wrong" he smiled apologetically. Maybe his senses were not the same as they used to be. Or maybe it was your presence that tricked him, he didn't know

You were still just inches away and when you noticed this, you felt your heartbeat. It was faster than it should have been.

You wanted to surprise him. So you grabbed his tie and pulled him closer and pressed your lips against his. His eyes widened, he didn't expect you to do this. Then he closed his eyes and kissed back. This was a relief for both of you

That kiss was a moment, an hour, a life you never had, never deserved. And now, it was yours and you tried to hold on to this moment forever

He kissed you so gently, like you were something fragile. He was afraid he might break you. You have gone through a lot, so if he doesn't hold back, it may be the last straw. He had to protect you, even from himself.  
But you needed more

"Don't...hold...back" you whispered. Secretely, in spite of the rules that he made for himself he was waiting for this, you permission, but to be sure he looked in your eyes with a questioning expression. You just nodded, determined

The kiss immedietly turned from gentle to a wild, passionate one. You started to unbutton his shirt and he did the same with your dress. When you were done you took a moment to admire the view. You strerched out your hands and you started to memorise every inch of his body with them while he did the same. Oh god he was so perfect. 

Soon you were pinned to the wall again. This time you didn't resist. He was pinning your arms above your head while kissing your neck gently. Then he whispered in your ears

"I was serious when I said that you are important to me. You deserve a future. I'll help you make your dreams come true" 

But what dreams? What future? You thought. There was no place for thoughts like that now, so you kissed him again instead like your life depended on it

You sometimes felt that you were being watched again, not from inside the manor, but you tried not to concentrate on it. Who or what was that didn't matter now, even if it was a bit scary. 

You turned your attention back to blood red eyes and parted lips that were waiting just for you

After a couple of minutes you heard someone clearing his throat beside you

"Y-young master!...you should...cover your eyes" you said, quite embarassed /he was thirteen after all.../

He turned away with a sigh and Sebastian helped you dress up properly again in the blink of an eye and Ciel turned back

"Sebastian I was waiting for you to prepare a bath for me" Ciel said resentfully "I see you found a more interesting activity. Remember that you have duties to carry out." Then he looked at you. "And you... Him? Really? I thought you have standards" then he left and tried to forget what happened

You still felt embarassed about what had just happened but Sebastian's gentle kiss made you forget about it

"Don't listen to him. He wouldn't understand this" he was right. But you shouldn't have gotten carried away so easily. Next time, if there will be one, you'll pay attention

"I'll go and prepare that bath for him before he comes back again. I promise that next time we won't be interrupted." He grinned then left you there. So there will be a next time. 

You almost reached your room when you saw Bard coming towards you. Ugh,great. 

"Hey,_____. Where were you? I was looking for Sebastian because he disappeared, and I neither found you...what's more I heard strange sounds upstairs, wait..." you looked at him slightly bored while he figured things out "it was...you" he started to grin like a madman "you know I've always known that this day would come. I'm really proud and..." You slammed your door in his face before he could finish


	9. They approve

The next morning felt like a reborn. You don't know how many months, no, years have passed since you last felt safe and well. Sebastian gave you the support, the protection, the hope you needed so desperately.

You were a bit afraid how the others will react to your 'romance' or what it was.Knowing Bard they already now about it. And you were right.  
When you met them you were relieved by their reactions. Mey Rin was just constantly smiling, Tanaka ho ho ho-ed and raised up his cup, even Finny gave you a thumbs up. Bard was still acting stupid for a while but finally he nodded in agreement.

Knowing that they, your family, approve of this made it so much better.

When you noticed Sebastian coming towards you, you couldn't help but smile. It was a real smile and it felt so good. You didn't have to pretend any longer that you are happy. You really were.

He sensed your happiness and for some reason it made him satisfied. He could finally make you happy and he was proud of this.

You were about to kiss him when you noticed Ciel staring at you with a blank expression, quite indiscreetly

"I'll throw up. At least do it where I can't see. 

Well yes, you had everybody's approval, but his.

You kissed him anyway. You were stubborn. Sebastian was grinning. You could always surprise him and he liked it.

"Ugh. This is disgusting. I should seperate you as long as there is a chance I bump into you. I don't want to see any more of this. I'll have nightmares." Ciel said and sent an evil grin to Sebastian.

"I'm sorry young master, from now on, we will do everything to avoid the chance of meeting you while we are together"   Sebastian said dutifully

"Hey whose part are you on?" you asked playfully. Then you turned to Ciel. "Anyway what you see might come in handy later when you come to age and for your first kiss with the young lady" you winked at Ciel

Ciel looked at you for a minute quite astonished, but  he was /tried to get/ used to your indecent behaviour sometimes  
" If you do this in public I'm just going to pretend I don't know you"then he just sighed and went away

"Well" you turned to Sebastian " as I see the young master won't disturb until he sees us again, so what if we continue this somewhere more...private?" you asked him

"My my, what makes you so impatient, little kitten? We have the whole day and the young master asked me to-"

"Just shut up and come" you said, knowing that he totally wanted the same but still tried to tease you

He grinned at you, and the next moment he was carrying you over his shoulder towards your bedroom

"You bastard. Put me down right now!" you started shouting. 

"No, no. We're not there yet" he said grinning.

You tried to tickle him but it was like he didn't even feel that. Then you started to hit him as you could but being upsite down it wasn't quite effective.

"A little rough, are we?" he said when you finally arrived and he put you down on the bed "well then, if you like it that way, so be it" this time he didn't hold back


	10. New friends

You tried hard to avoid meeting Ciel. He was always there somehow when you wanted to spend time with each other with Sebastian. He always found work for Sebastian so you always had to delay your meetings sometimes even cancel them because you both had much to do. Sebastian's annoyed and Ciel's satisfied face made it clear that he did it on purpose. During your stay at the manor you figured out that he hated when Sebastian was happy. You didn't know why. Anyway at least he could have considered your happiness. Well, he didn't. The little brat.

You were thinking about a revenge when you heard the front door opening. It was strange because you didn't know who would come this early in the morning and you weren't informed that the young master expected guests

Everybody went to the door to find out what's going on. 

"Hey, Ciel why didn't you tell me you are back from Bath?"(he arrived 3 weeks ago) asked an indian boy with a huge smile who was now hugging Ciel "you should tell your big brother about these."  
"Oh, Agni please feed the elephant. He must be hungry, it was a long journey"

"Jo ajna" said a white haired man, who must be the guy's butler, and he went to carry out his duty

"What are you doing here?" asked Ciel not really enthusiastic about the unannounced visitors "and did you say elephant?" 

"I just came to visit you. You should be happier" said the boy resentfully  
"Oh, and who is this beautiful girl? Ciel can I marry her? Or take her as a concubine if she's not yours?" here Sebastian almost did something terrible but you pervented that by grabbing his arm and shaking your head. He just looked at you for a moment, then sighed. He trusted you enough to know you can handle him.

"Yes, you can."Ciel said suddenly. You sent him a death glare and so did Sebastian. Bard was laughing so hard he couldn't stop

"Excuse me?? Who the hell are you to think I would just agree to something like that??"you asked

"Oh forgive me. I am Prince Soma Asman Kadar. And Agni, who I sent to feed the elephant is my khansama.(butler) . 

"Well, Prince Soma Asman Kadar, you can forget about your ridiculous plans" you said as you stormed out of the manor totally pissed off. Hey might be a prince but he has no right to act like this

Sebastian didn't come after you, Ciel must have found something for him to do

You were so focused on being upset that you almost bumped into the elephant. "Oh, sorry" you said to him

"My lady, are you alright?" a voice asked that must have belonged to Agni.

"Yes thank you. As long as your stupid prince forgets about his ridiculous plans" you told him about what happened inside

"I'm sorry, you know the prince's nature is still like this sometimes. However it is true that ever since he met the young earl he became more serious and less childish." he tried very hard to believe him because he was really nice to you but it was still hard. Thinking about how the prince talked to you, about you made you really angry.

You talked a lot with Agni because you were interested in their home in India and he even let you ride the elephant. You had a great time. So good you didn't even realise it was almost time for lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In memoriam...  
> Sorry I don't want spoilers, the ones who read the manga will undestand


	11. An average day

You hoped prince Soma's and Agni's mission was going well, because you were looking forward to see them again

You didn't have a 'permanent job' at the manor, you only helped out the other servants as you could. And because sou were (usually) the least clumsy out of them you were a useful member of the household. Sometimes you helped Finny with the gardening, Mey Rin with the maid-duties and Bard with the cooking. Sometimes you helped Sebastian too (who in return presented you with a rose or a kiss or both), and you made tea for Ciel, who was always looking at you like you were insane since you were together with Sebastian

Now, you were helping Mey Rin hanging the freshly washed clothes.  
"____ I'm really happy for you and Mr. Sebastian. I didn't think I would be, but I see that since you're together you have become so full of life and happy, I didn't think you would ever be. And I see how he looks at you. You make him happy too."

"Wow, thank you. I know that when the time comes, you'll find the right man for you. If he doesn't find you first." you said after her touching words.

"Well I hope you're right" she sighed" and I hope he'll look as good as Mr.Sebastian. By the way...____ is he as good in bed as he seems to be?" She asked with a mischievous grin

"Oh he is even better, you can't imagine" you said laughing. You were happy that there was a girl here who you could talk to, she was like a sister to you

"Aaand what about you and Bard?" you asked her

"What? What the hell are you talking about?? There's no way I-, no not even if he was the only man in t-"

"Okay, okay I just asked" you were grinning

"Hey stop that" she said

But you didn't

*

After that you deciced to go to the kitchen and spent the next 10 minutes trying to convince Bard that he doesn't need a flamethrower to roast a chicken.

"But at least it would be ready faster..." he said as he finally gave up and accepted your help

"Yeah, but there would be not much left of it to eat" you said

"Why do you always have to make things more complicated?"

"You are the one who always makes things more compicated!" 

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes!!!"

This could have lasted forever because you were both really stubborn, but Sebastian interrupted your exceptionally mature quarrel

"Please stop this right now. If you don't finish preparing lunch in 20 minutes, what will the young master eat?"

You sent him an apologizing smile as you looked at the clock and realised that your argument with Bard lasted way too long. Sebastian sighed and went back to continue his work and you spent the next 20 minutes in silence with Bard. The meal was ready just in time

*

You spent the afternoon in the garden with Finny, watering the plants and pruning the trees. He never requiered much help, he was able to take care of the garden by himself and you were proud of him for this. The garden was as beautiful as ever thanks to him. So your real intention was to keep him company, for which he was really grateful. 

"_____ I am really grateful" he said with a birght smile "It's always more fun when you are here with me"

"I like being here, too" you answered. "It's so peaceful here..."

"Yes, that's why I like to be here, too" he said thoughtfully. "You know, before Mr.Sebastian brought me here, I didn't even know that such thing as peace existed" he said. You knew what he referred to. He didn't like to talk about it, but he trusted you enough to tell you. His past was a tragic story, and Sebasian saved him from it, just like you.

"It's okay, you are here now. If someone wants to hurt you, they'll have to face me first." you said while you hugged him

"_____ you are so nice." he said as tears were rolling down his face." I'll protect you too." he promised  
"I am happy that you and Mr.Sebastian are together. "he said, making you blush. He saw this, then smiled and you continued watering the roses

*

When you finally called it a day and tumbled into bed exhausted, you heard a knock on your door. You were too lazy to get up and open the door so you said

"Come in" and Sebastian stepped in. 

You finally had some private time with him but you were too tired to move

"______ , you seem tired. Should I leave so you can get some sleep?" he asked, but you could see it in his eyes that he wanted to stay. You smiled. The bastard could be such a gentleman sometimes.

"No, come here." You said and made and inviting gesture with your hand.

He took off his tailcoat, then started ro unbutton his shirt. You were watching him in silence. How could someone be so beautiful? He lay down next to you and wrapped a hand around your waist, while you placed your hands on his chest. He kissed you, and after that, you were just laying in bed in silence, feeling each other's warmth. He knew that you needed rest now, and you appreciated that

"You know" he said after a couple of minutes? Hours? Who knows...When you were with him, time passed differently. "Sometimes, you make me feel like a person"  
he said

"I hope that'a a good thing" you still tried to understand the meaning of his words as you slowly fell asleep in his arms


	12. Hell

The next day, you felt again sometimes that someone was watching you. The feeling dissapeared for a few days but it was back again now. You didn't understand why this happened, there was no reasonal explanation.

You were peacefully reading in the garden when you heard a cracking sound and something falling very fast.  
The next moment you were on the ground on your back, with Sebastian looking down at you. He was shielding you with his body from the tree that almost fell on you. He pushed it aside with one hand. There was not even a scar on him

"What are you?" it was impossible  to appear so suddenly out of nowhere for a simple human

"I'm simply one hell of a butler" he answered with a smirk

"When you told me you're a demon you wasn't lying right?" you asked. It all made sense now. You didn't care though

"I never lie" he answered, still smirking

He was a demon, who looked like an angel

"However, this was not a coincidence" he said searching for something unusual.  
When you looked up you only saw some red birds flying above you up in the air

You found no sign of anything out of ordinary.

"It was just an old tree, maybe the  wind was too much for it..." it was the best solution you could come up with.  
He was not convinced, but he couldn't find a better answer.

When you realised that you were still lying on the ground with him still on top of you, you slightly blushed

"Thank you for saving me, however, you can get off me now, you know" you said

He chuckled "Or what? Last time it was okay when I was on top" he said pinning your wrists to the ground.

"Sebastian! Not here. What if-" he silenced you with a kiss. You forgot about anything at once. Nothing else existed just you and him. 

Ciel was going towards you but when he spotted you, he just facepalmed then went the opposite direction, thinking that he has useless servants, who have no shame

Sebastian suddenly stopped kissing you "you're right this was not the best idea. I'm sorry ___. We should continue this later, I have plans for tonight..." he said, winked at you, then left.

Nice. How can someone leave just like that?? You hoped that he'll at least make it up to you later...

*

You decided to go in town and buy some ingredients for dinner. You liked to do it alone because it was only you and your horse.(You usually went in town on horseback) You could think and enjoy the nature and the quiet.

You were halfway when you closed your eyes to enjoy the sound of twittering birds and the nature that surrounded you. You were in the forest where the incident happened with Lady Elizabeth...

You got off your horse and let her graze a bit. She did a nice work, she deserved it

"Finally" you heard a voice behind your back and your heart skipped a beat. There was no one there a second ago.

You turned and saw a red haired person with red glasses and a red coat smiling at you "That hottie is no match for you, I know a better one. It's...death" he said as he winked at you and posed. What a crazy creature

"I'm sorry, what are you talking about? And who the hell are you??" you asked starting to panic as you spotted a chainsaw in his hand.

"I'm talking about Sebas-chan, who else??" he said slightly annoyed by your ignorance. "I'm Grell and you really pissed me off... I even had to cancel my manicure appointment just to be here now" he said resentfully "but don't worry it will be over soon...maybe I'll paint my nails red with your blood" his eyes brightened at the idea

'I should call the asylum to check if they're missing someone'you thought " Well, Grell, I don't think it's your business what we do with Sebastian, and if that manicure is so important, you shouldn't have cancelled it" you said slightly annoyed by now

"No. You don't understand. I've been watching you" nice. So it was him all this time "I've been waiting for a moment like this. To find you all alone. No one takes my Sebas-chan away from me! No one!! Especially not an ugly human" he said disgusted "I will paint this boring world red with your blood " he said with sadistic enthusiasm" it will be beautiful. Be happy, ugly human, at least in the end you will be beautiful. Sebas-chan will be soo grateful, he wasn't strong enough to get rid of you, but I am" he said closing the distance between you

"No! You're wrong. If you kill me, he'll never forgive you" you said more and more desperately 

"Well, I guess we'll see. I'll help him forget about you" he said grinning "You have everything that should have been mine. It's time for some fun"

"This is my death scythe. Say hi to it" he said then you saw a flash and felt terrible pain. You collapsed to the ground. You placed a hand on your stomach. Warm blood was spilling from the wound and soon it was everywhere. The evil bitch wanted you to die a slow death.

You remembered when Sebastian once told you that he'll help you make your dreams come true. But you knew now that nightmares are dreams too...

"And now, let's see your dirty little secrets" he said sitting on the ground like he was about to see a movie, watching your cinematic record while you slowly drifted into uncounsciousness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No offense I love Grell but he would totally do this


	13. Unravel

*the past*

A small child about the age of 8 was running in circles happily in the small garden of a small house. Her parents were watching her proudly.However, it was hard to notice that the father's thoughts were wandering somewhere else...

Then 2 years have passed. The father's company went bankrupt and the family lost everythin Even the small garden...they managed to keep the small house with promises and darker ways the mother was not proud of... The parents argued a lot, shouting at each other, not noticing the small child listening to them sadly from behind the door

Your father has tried everything...but it was not enough, it was never enough. Many many months have passed and he finally has given up. He could see no way out. Maybe there wasn't. He spent more days drunk than sober. But one day he lost control...

You coulndn't afford maintaining a fireplace and your mother's immune system was weak, not to mention it was an exceptionally cold winter.

That night your mother was reading a fairy tale for you in the kitchen while you were sitting in her lap when your father entered. There was an empty bottle in his hand and he didn't know what he was doing or where he was. The mere sight of him scared you. You knew something bad is about to happen...something unforgiveable...

*

"Boooring." Grell said "Show me something more interesting" you tried to open your eyes, then when you finally managed to do it you looked at him with memories of sorrow 'Don't worry. You haven't seen anything yet...'you thought weakly

*

Your father grabbed your arm violently and pushed you aside. When you hit the floor you heard the miserable sound of bones breaking.  It was your arm. You cried out in pain and looked at your now useless left arm. Your mother was shocked.  
"Oh my God, what have you done? What have you done???" she screamed, and your father must have sensed the different tone because he angrily grabbed your mother by her neck and started to beat the life out of her. His only clear thought that day was if your family can't have a proper life, death is the only escape

"Dad, no, stop, please!!" you were crying desperately. " Don't you remember when we went to the forest? When we brought home the little bird that broke its wing? When we played in the garden together? When you promised me we'll go to the circus together? Please, dad..."he finally loosened his grip on your mother's throat who collapsed filling her lungs with as much air as possible. 

Your father turned to you and when he noticed the small creature was talking to him he decided he'll kill you first. He was about to grab your neck too when you stabbed him with a knife. He didn't realise you holding it securely behind your back until now "I'm...so...sorry" you said, when he looked at the knife, then at you, and for a moment, you saw the recognition in his eyes. Then he died. Your arm didn't hurt half as much as the emptiness and pain that filled your soul.

*

"Not bad from a ten-year-old" Grell said, finally excited about the rest of the story

*

The forest was the safest place you could escape to with your mother. You collected berries but you both knew it won't be enough for long. Your mother was even sicker and weaker than before so you decided to do everything you can to protect her. You stole from the bakeries and when you got caught, and they wanted to punish you  by killing you, you killed them first with a knife you knew too well. You felt nothing after that day...

The story of a talented child spread fast...it even reached the underworld. One day a man visited you in the forest (how he found out about your location and your identity, you didn't know) and offered to help your mother...in return you had to go with him. You agreed at once because he coulde provide your mother with the food and medicine she needed. You went with him and he trained you to be an assassin. For him it was totally worth it, you were small and talented and you could sneak in anywhere and no one would have expected a child to kill them. But you did. You slit their throats stabbed them or anything the man asked you to do. To keep your mother safe you would have done anything.

When you could finally meet your mother again after you've been away for months...or years?? it was hard to remember. When you saw her, you were happier than ever. She finally looked healthy. Well, she was healthy, but only physically...  
When she found out what you sacrifised for her she couldn't handle it. She knew that you didn't have a choice that night. She would have done the same, but she was not strong enough. Her husband was dead, her only child was turned into a...monster, a merciless killing machine...she never wanted this

You went to her and hugged her. She didn't hug back. She looked in your eyes. Tears were rolling down her cheek as she reached out and started to choke you. You were a bit surprised and ashamed that you disappointed your mother. All you wanted to do was protecting her. She was the only one left for you and if she wanted this, so be it. You closed your eyes and you would have let her kill you, if the man who trained you hadn't shot her down. "Nooo. Noooo. Mother, noooo!" you cryed in agony, and the next moment you were stabbing him, savagely, over and over again, until you felt a cold hand on your shoulder. You turned around. Blood red eyes were staring at you. "Please, calm down. It's over. I'll clean this up. Don't be afraid, come. You will be safe, I promise. You need a  shower and some food" you obeyed. You wanted to leave that place behind as soon as possible. You quietly followed the dark stranger. You didn't care about anything anymore

*

"Ahhh Sebas-chaaan finally. You were always the best." Grell said imagining that he is the one saved by Sebastian

*

You stood before a huge building, a young boy with an eyepatch and a blank expression opened the door to see what's going on  
"Sebastian, what is this?" he asked looking at your blood soaked clothes  
"Young master, she could be useful to protect the manor."  
"I see...what's your name?"  
"It's ______" you said looking in his navy blue eyes. His expression was not a young boy's. There was no mercy in it.  
"______, I am earl Ciel Phantomhive. This is my butler, Sebastian. From now on, you will be my servant and you will have to protect me and the manor at all costs. Now Sebastian, escort her to her new room and tell her what she'll have to do.  
"Yes, my lord" Sebastian said, bowing  
'This was way too easy' you thought

As you stepped in, you noticed 4 other servants looking at you curiously.  
"Shouldn't you be doing your jobs now?? We should be ready by tea time" Sebastian said looking angrily at the servants.  
"S-sorry Mr. Sebastian, but...who is she?" asked a blond haired boy with green eyes  
"She's the new servant. While she's here, she'll help each of you carry out your duties. I presume her help will be useful." he said  
"I will do my best..."you whispered  
"I'm so happy. I'm no longer the only girl here." A maid said " I'm Mey Rin, he over there is Bard, the cook(he smiled at you) he's Tanaka" she said pointing at a small old man who was drinking tea. When he noticed she's talking about him, he 'ho ho ho'ed happily "and this boy is Finny, the gardener."  
"Boy?!" asked Finny resentfully.  
You smiled...maybe you'll get on well with these people. Somehow you could sense that you have something in common. You were right. They never judged you for who you were and what you did. Now, they were your family.

After that there were flashes of your life at the manor, how your relationships with the servants developed, some funny incidents, how you tried to convince Ciel to let you organise a party with Lady Elizabeth for him, you knowing that he secretly enjoyed the party, your girly afternoons with Mey Rin, you teasing each other with Bard, you with the other servants playing hide and seek in the garden (Tanaka won), you realising you had feelings for Sebastian, and your hot nights with him...

*

"Ohh Sebas-chan. You can even do that??. Whaaat??! You...you naughty boy...She didn't deserve this..." Grell said, totally jealous of you. You managed a weak smile. At least he'll never have what was yours

"Well, this was interesting. Then, see you late- oh no, you're almost dead so I guess it's a final goodbye" said Grell, then blew you a kiss then left. You were not dead yet, so he'll come back soon  to severe your memories and soul from your body once and for all.

It was harder to breathe with every second...you felt the remains of life leaving your body very...very...slowly...

When you closed and opend your eyes again, Sebastian held you gingerly with one arm, a kitten in his other. This time you could see his feelings on his face. Sadness and pain. Ciel was not far behind him. You could see the sadness in his eyes too.

"Whoever did this, I'll kill him"he said as his eyes flashed pink. You smiled. Finally he showed you a part of his demonic nature he tried so hard to conceal. You didn't care he was a demon.  
"No, it's fine" you said"But why...is a kitten in your hand?"  
"She had no home so I thought" he looked warily at Ciel" I will keep her  
"Then she's just like me" you smiled stroking the kitten weakly  
"Yes, just like you" he said and kissed you while a single tear was rolling down his cheek. He didn't even try to hide it

"Remember when you brought me here? You brought me home?  
When I thought it was the end and I gave up, you were there and gave me a home, a future. And I was happy, that you were my future. All of you. "you said, crying. It was not sadness. A bittersweet goodbye, yes, but you felt no regrets. You never felt happier "Thank you. You were amazing." 

And it was over

(You were not on the list so after the incident Grell Sutcliff was suspended indefinitely. The suspension was suggested byWilliam T. Spears.)


	14. Aftermath

As Ciel and Sebastian stepped in, the whole atmosphere changed. It was dark and the place made the young earl feel uneasy.  
Then they heard a sinister sound from the darkness  
"Hihhihi" and noticed green eyes gleaming in the dark.  
They belonged to Undertaker 

"Earl, are you finally here to choose one of my coffins for you?" Undertaker asked with a grin

"Actually, it's not for me..." Ciel said mournfully...

"Oh yes, that poor girl..."

"Do you know about it?? Do you know who did it??" Sebastian asked losing control. It was killing him that he had no idea who killed you

"Why, of course I know" he said. "But. You know the price hehhe..."

*

He got what he wanted. A first rate laugh.  
After ten minutes of constant laughing Undertaker shared the secret with Sebastian and Ciel  
"Damn shinigami. He'll pay for this..." Sebastian said with blood lust  
"Yes, he will. But first, we should make the preparations for the funeral" Ciel said calmly.  
Undertaker just watched in silence. The whole situation amused him. He was still smirking after they left

*

It was an overcast afternoon. The crowd has gathered for the funeral. Everything was dark. The clothes they were wearing, they expressions, even the sky. Everything but you. You were dressed in a majestic white dress that was the only light in the surrounding darkness and made you look like an angel. A dead angel. The light dissapeared as they closed the coffin. Only black remained

Undertaker was sitting on the headstone of your grave. When Sebastian noticed him and pushed him aside with a hiss, he just laughed.

"Hi hi. Never understimate immortal love, I say" the way he said it...there was something strange about it. Like he knew something the others didn't. Sebastian looked at him with a puzzled look but couldn't figure out what was strange

Everyone was standing before the grave. Your grave. Sebastian, Ciel, neither of them showing any feelings at all. Undertaker (who, for some reason didn't want to leave, maybe he just wanted see what happens) , Lizzy -when she heard about your death she cryed and she blamed you for what happened.(actually, she didn't). Finny, Bard, Mey Rin and Tanaka who were silently crying, mourning their beloved sister. Even Agni and Prince Soma were there (they couldn't find the herb for Ciel, so they were both extremely disappointed). Prince Soma has been crying ever since he heard about your death. Nothing could calm him down, so finally Ciel offered him to stay at the manor for the rest of the week, and he finally stopped crying.

*

When they returned to the manor   
Sebastian looked at Ciel with sad puppy eyes. Ciel didn't appreciate it  
"Young master can I keep her?"he asked referring to the kitten he was stroking, which he saved that day...  
Ciel was just about to say no, but suddenly changed his mind. He remembered that he found that kitten the day you died  
"Ugh, fine. But this is the only time I'll let you keep a cat. And only because of_____. But you know I'm allergic to cats so keep it where it can't cause any trouble. To be more accurate, as far away from me as possible"

When he looked at the kitten, he recalled the memories of you. He even smiled a bit

"Young master, is that a...smile?? 

"Shut up" Ciel replyed as his normal expression was back. "You know, in spite of her disgusting taste in men...(here he looked at Sebastian with an evil grin) I liked ______ too. She always tried to make me happy, and she helped me a lot. Not to mention she was probably my most useful servant. Yes, I will miss her too...

"I know..." Sebastian said with a sigh. "I think I'll name this little kitten after her...she reminds me of her. I think she would like it" a wary smile appeared on his face. He was not over your loss. Demons had no feelings, but still...he did love you. When you died in his arms something has broken in him. He didn't think he'll ever experience that. The loss of a loved one...or to love at all...

Ciel just rolled his eyes. It was so typical of Sebastian to find a way to combine his two favourite things: cats and you. 

*

Agni and Prince Soma returned to their home in India, where they were very happy. They occasionally visited Ciel who was (never) happy to see them.

A month have passed. Things were beggining to go back to normal. Of course it was not the same without you. The servants kept making mistakes and you were not there to help them. Sometimes they were about to call your name when they realised that it would be useless. They slowly accepted the fact that you are gone, but they never forgot you.

Sebastian couldn't find Grell. He searched everywhere, even asked Undertaker who had no useful information about the shinigami's whereabouts. He didn't give up, though. Not until he avenges your death...maybe one day he'll be lucky and find him. And there will be nothing to stop him from tearing him apart

*

The newspapers started to report mysterious deaths. Corpses found by the river, by the forest and elsewhere. Always two of them, with a star shaped mark on their left hand. The Scotland Yard has no clue of who or what committed the murders...

It was a cool spring morning. Ciel was sitting in his study sipping his tea. Sebastian entered the room, bringing Ciel's breakfast with him "Sebastian" Ciel said "The queen asked me to investigate a case...10 people were found dead yesterday. The number is increasing every week."There was a map on his desk ,circles showing the areas where the corpses were found. As Ciel connected the circles, they could see a star pattern "Let's go and find out who is behind this."

"Yes, my lord"

 

\----------------------------------------------

I don't own Black Butler. Yana Toboso does. I just borrowed her characters for this story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this shit. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)


End file.
